She taught me a LOT!

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
³If you¹re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.²

My mother taught me RELIGION.
³You better pray that will come out of the carpet.²

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
³If you don¹t straighten up, I¹m going to knock you into the middle of next week!²

My mother taught me LOGIC.
³Because I said so, that¹s why.²

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.³If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you¹re not going to the store with me.²

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
³Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you¹re in an accident.²

My mother taught me IRONY.
³Keep crying, and I¹ll give you something to cry about!²

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

³Shut your mouth and eat your supper.²

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISTS.
³Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!²

My mother taught me about STAMINA.
³You¹ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.²

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
³This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.²

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.³If I told you once, I¹ve told you a million times, don¹t exaggerate!²

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
³I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..²

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
³Stop acting like your father!²

My mother taught me about ENVY.
³There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don¹t have wonderful parents like you do.²

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

³Just wait until we get home.²

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
³You are going to get it when you get home!²

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
³If you don¹t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.²

My mother taught me ESP.
³Put your sweater on; don¹t you think I know when you are cold?²

My mother taught me HUMOR.³When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don¹t come running to me.²

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
³If you don¹t eat your vegetables, you¹ll never grow up.²

My mother taught me GENETICS.
³You¹re just like your father.²

My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
³Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?²

My mother taught me WISDOM.
³When you get to be my age, you¹ll understand.²

My mother taught me about JUSTICE.³One day you¹ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!²